Compliments - Why give them & how to give them

Compliments

Compliments make us feel good, both giving and receiving them.

Compliments help us communicate that appreciation we feel toward one another. "I would define a compliment as any sort of sincere appreciation of a trait in someone or a behaviour or an appearance", Berger says. And that makes us feel good.

"Compliments can be a useful tool to nurture and enhance relationships", says psychotherapist Lindsay Liben, LCSW. "Ultimately it contributes to deeper, more intimate connection".

Why give a compliment?

Well, it’s part of our human interaction. It can be a conversation opener like;

"I really like the earing’s you are wearing, they bring out your eye colour. Where did you get them?"

In this statement, you are saying I have noticed you, I am not making a “You look nice” comment but I have actually noticed you as a person. I am complimenting you on your taste in jewellery and I am showing that I would like to converse with you. It’s like giving a little conversational gift.

How to give a compliment

To give a genuine and sincere compliment you need to have taken notice of a person, and we all respond positively to a compliment that we believe is genuine.

• You are a breath of fresh air.
• You bring out the best in people.
• You are one of the a kind.
• You are perfect the way you are.
• You are wonderful.
• You look great today.
• That colour is perfect on you.
• You are a gift to those around you.
• You are brave.
• You are strong
• Well done.
• well done - keep up the good work.

Link your compliment to something you genuinely feel.

To give a compliment that really resonates, Liben suggests a three-step process, which starts by identifying an action or quality that you truly respect or appreciate. "The compliment should be authentic", she says, and connected to values that you personally hold dear or that you know are important to that person.

References:

• Madeleine Frank Reeves, How to give sincere compliments, Jun 28, 2019
• RenewYou, Jane wood, www.changingpeople.co.uk
• 100 Positivity-Boosting Compliments, Nataly Kogan

Please contact Ros for more information

Ros Wilson Counselling, 77 Anne Road, Knoxfield, Vic 3180. (03) 9763 0033